I am often asked questions regarding correspondence, invitations and social etiquette so we have included a section on our website entitled “Courtesy Corner” to answer your questions. Chances are if you have a question, someone else does too. We invite you to browse, offer a comment or pose a question. If you have a question or comment, you may click here to Ask Kim.
Monograms
Question:What is the correct order of initials for a married monogram?
Answer:The first letter of the couple’s last name (surname) is larger and in the middle with the wife’s first initial on the left and the husband's first initial on the right. For example, the monogram for Jon and Kim Waite would read KWJ. An easy way to remember the order is to recall the old adage “ladies first”. Another question that arises is what if the person does not go by his or her “formal” first name? For instance my brother’s name is Marshall Bradley Shoemaker but he goes by Brad. He and his wife, Traci, may prefer to write their married monogram as TSB rather than TSM . Both are acceptable, it’s just a matter or preference. Monograms add a unique and personal touch to an item or gift. Married monograms are presently quite popular not only on stationery, but also on linens, soaps, candles, doormats and other house wares.
Question: How do you write a monogram for someone who has a double or hyphenated last names? For example~
Jill St. John (last name is two-part)
Candy Joynes Jones (two last names)
Richard Leggam-Smith (last name is hyphenated)
Answer: The monograms would be as follows:
Jill St. John ~ JStJ
Candy Joynes Jones ~ CJJ
Richard Leggam-Smith ~ RLS
In the cases above, the individuals would omit their middle initial.
Question: What is thedifference between a traditional and a block or contemporary monogram?
Answer: A traditional monogram would have three letters with the last name initial set in the center and slightly larger and the first name initial to the left and middle name initial to the right. For example ~ Kimberly Shoemaker Waite
would be KWS. A block or contemporary monogram feature initials of the same size placed in consecutive order. Kimberly Shoemaker Waite would be KSW.
Thank You’s
Question:How long after you receive a gift can you write a thank you?
Answer:Thank you’s are timeless. Of course, it is always better to acknowledge a gift or an act of kindness sooner rather than later but later is better than never. Generally, it is nice to respond within a few days to a week of an event or receiving a gift, particularly if the gift was sent by mail. Though a written note is optimum, an email or phone call is also acceptable and it assures the giver that you received their gift. However, if a week or month goes by and you still have not written a note, don’t think you have missed your window of opportunity. Sit down and write that note. It will certainly brighten someone’s day.
Question:Should children be encouraged to write their own thank you notes and if so, should parents correct their spelling and wording?
Answer:Absolutely, children should be encouraged to write their own thank you notes! Parents of young children can start by writing the notes and have the child sign their name and then as they become school age they can write their own short notes. Parents of young children can write a sample note and have child copy it to teach them the proper way to write a note. Once a child is about 10, they should know the parts of a letter and how to address an envelope and be able to write their own notes. It is important for parents to teach their children how to write and address a note. Don’t assume your child will learn it in school! It is nice for parents to look over the note and help with spelling if possible. Three days after Christmas without any prompting, my 10 year old daughter asked me to mail a dozen thank you notes that she had already written, sealed and addressed. I am almost certain there were misspelling in her notes but I was so impressed with her initiative and promptness that I simply put them in the mail.
Question:Do I have to send a handwritten note or can I send an email?
Answer:In our day of emailing, voicemail, text messaging, instant messaging, a handwritten note seems almost obsolete…oh, but I hope not! While these are wonderful tools and serve their purposes, they cannot replace the personal expression of a handwritten note. It is fine to use these methods of responses for a quick, casual or impromptu reply but when someone has made a special gesture on your behalf, a handwritten note is the appropriate way to respond to their kindness. When we were dating, my husband wrote me a letter everyday of our courtship until we were married. I still have those handwritten letters and treasure them as a keepsake. Though after sixteen years of marriage, he doesn’t write me everyday, he still knows he can get me with a handwritten note. Some people may have a physical limitation that makes it difficult or impossible for them to write a note and thankfully they can use these technology tools to express their thoughts. But for most of us, it simply requires a little extra effort on our part to be thoughtful.
Names, Suffixes and Titles
Question: What is the rule for name suffixes, such as Senior, Junior, III, IV... and so on?
Answer: This question is particularly pertinent as we near graduation and wedding time. Graduates (and their mothers) want to know how to properly state the graduate’s name on the enclosure card inserted in the graduation invitation or announcement and engaged couples want to know how to “formally” address their invitations. When a man is given the identical name as his father, he is a junior (Jr.). For instance, my father is Gordon Marshall Shoemaker, Jr. and likewise, my mother is Mrs. Gordon Marshall Shoemaker, Jr. Abbreviated suffixes may be written with a capital or lowercase first letter following the individual’s name and should be preceded by a comma. When suffixes are written out in full, they are always written with the first letter in lower case.
When a man is named after another family member, an uncle or grandfather, then II is used. If a Jr. gives his son the exact same name, then III or 3rd is used. There is no comma after the individual’s name when followed by a Roman or Arabic numeral. For instance, my cousin, Trey, is Carey Hall Snellings III named after my grandfather and uncle.
Question: When do you use Miss, Ms. and Mrs.?
Answer: Young girls or never married women traditionally use the title “Miss”. However, many single women over twenty-one prefer the less telling title of Ms. Ms. is also the correct title for a married woman who keeps her maiden name. Mrs. indicates a married woman. A woman whose husband has died, still retains her husband, for instance, Mrs. John Smith. A divorced woman who retains her husband’s name replaces her name with her husband’s, for instance, Mrs. Jane Smith. If she chooses to go back to her maiden name then her name would be Ms. Jane Doe.
